I feel so weird being back at this space.

My last post was when I just started my first full time job after uni.

4 years later, now

I am on my second full time job. I moved to another bank about 1 month ago.

and I have broken up 2 and a half years into the relationship. 

I am seeing someone new for awhile now.

I am not sure should this post be just about my current love life or my life as a whole...

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Lately, whenever I'm feeling emotional, my thoughts would be jumbled and i make no sense LOL

So sometimes, whoever I am talking to, might get confused and just see saliva flying while i vomit my words. Probably it will be the same in writing but I guess what matters is how this outlet helps me to better understand myself and let me release some steam/stress.

Sometimes, I look back and I just can't believe how far i came.

4 years ago, young and dumb. (am still kinda dumb but no longer young) happened to land a not so bad job, earn my first full time salary, met my 1st bf and opened my eyes to the dark side of society in some ways.

Usually I don't judge or I try not to because I understand everyone is different and so their mindset/values are different. But, when it comes to people around me...

It gets surreal that all the stories or tv show scenarios really do happen in real life.

Which kind of scares me, that the world I live in is not filled with unicorns and rainbows. 

Even though it is a process of growing up, i think the stress/unhappiness/experiences kind of took a toll on my mental health. I always tell myself, nahhh, I am ok, I am strong and I am perfectly healthy. I am just thinking too much. Probably everyone is mental like me, just the difference in extent.

Just HOW mental? Not really mental illness.

I realised that I am not strong nor perfect at all. Not even close. 

I feel like I don't understand myself and I failed. Did I not 'recover' or grow up properly?

Did something go wrong while I was growing up?  Is this truly the process of growing up?

Why did I even let myself feel this way. But it just cannot be helped.

How is someone supposed to understand me when I don't myself.

I get really stressed up about it and lose sleep. What if someone doesn't accept me for who I am.

What if I can't accept the person's experience and yet I don't know what is the right way to react.

These are the many struggles that i face.

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Last night I lost sleep again.

Dating someone new is literally NEW to me.

I was late to the dating scene cause of  'strict'/overprotective household.

Is that a disadvantage? Did I lose my chances to be exposed to difference? Would I be more accepting now if I have had those experiences younger?

Now that I think about it, or maybe I am not suitable for dating?

I lose feelings too fast when I meet people that I am not that into.

When I meet someone I am into, I get attached too fast and get hurt in the end.

But I was, for the most part, hopeful that I would find someone who is meant for me.

meant for me may not be suitable for me...?

Modern dating is really confusing and frustrating.

So much worries, thoughts and planning invested but is it necessary?

Why. There will still be uncertainty no matter how well planned it is.

I am just really upset and I worry about the uncertainty so much but I still always brush it off.

then when i least expects it, everything just come rushing to me. Those moments are really unbearably painful.

I don't expect anyone to help me because it is not anyone else's responsibility for my mental health and happiness? There is only so much someone else can do for me.

It is my choice to be emotional and be unhappy.

Should I learn to control my feelings or should I just let it be naturally?

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I think I used up my writing juice for today and I don't have anymore to write. The feels gone.

I shall come back here again. 

Bye.

Update time.
Let's fast forward to Year 3 finals.

So during the Finals period I 'created' my resume and prepared to send them out right after exams.
And sure I did, but somehow I received just a few replies and those replies were just to inform me to give them 2 weeks of processing time which to me is just as good as rejection because I know my resume pales in comparison to other candidates.

I was a little sad.
I was chatting with my OGL on day and casually asked if his department was hiring.
I didn't even know where he was working at nor what he does.
I was desperate.
And just nice, his department was hiring and fast forward to now, it's been over 1 month since I joined his department.

The past days since I've starting working full time made me realise how chilled and easy my student life was.
All i needed to do was to turn up for class, listen for 3/6 hrs and leave.
Somemore just 3 days per week of classes.
Other days I got to work part time to earn some $ and self study which I really enjoyed doing.

But despite the office hours and rules filled work life now, there's always something good to appreciate.
Like new knowledge, new environment, new faces.
I'm thankful because I met a lot of awes-me people that brought me the feeling of joy and security.
(Thanks babe <3 for everyth and for reading LOL)

Few more days to result day.
I really hope I can successfully graduate because I can't wait to get both my feet into 'adulthood'.

However, no one knows what life will bring in the future so I am hopeful that positive > negative.

-peace-










WAHHH...we are at the last week of 2016?!
OMG it's craycray how time flies.
It was said that the older you get, the faster time flies.
I THINK IT IS SO TRUEEEE

While others are enjoying life, eating awesome food, watching beautiful scenery overseas,
I'm stuck in SG and I've got classes to attend and work to turn up for.
The 'best' thing is, I'm broke because Pay Day is not yet here :(
Furthermore, I feel like I'm in a rush to do something.
Maybe cause the days are counting down and I feel like I'm not prepared for the new year.
So my solution is to come here to type some stuff to help with my unorganised life *cries*

We can't start the near year w/o new year resolution so here's mine for 2017:
1. STUDY HARDER
Just like how time flew by from Sept 2016 - Dec 2016, I bet I will say the same about Jan 2017 - May 2017 so I don't want to regret for not studying hard enough to achieve the best results I can for Finals.

2. BE MORE ANTI SOCIAL
Okay honestly, I feel like I put too much of my time in the social department. I need to focus on what's more important like studies and earning $. After Finals, I will be extra social I promise.

3. BE MORE HEALTHY
After seeing the results a close friend of mine, I feel like I will be healthier and happier if I do the same.
So I planned to exercise more diligently and eat more clean. MORE BROCCOLI YUMS

4. BE MORE ORGANISED
Many times, I realised I get really motivated after I organised and tidy up my desks/bag/Planner and I get things done more effectively and efficiently. So I would like to have more of these motivated moments in 2017 because I know I might need it in the later half of the year >.<

5. SAVE MORE MONEY
I haven't been able to save much even after working at Typo because what I get is just too little.
Once I get a Full Time job after I graduate, I think saving a sum of money wouldn't be a problem so I'm looking forward to that.

 That's all I can think of at the moment.
Thanks for reading and I hope you get some inspiration for your new year resolution 2017 :)

Talk to you next year!
HAPPY NEW YEAR :)



HI GUYS...
So, this week is the 5th week of year 3.
Time is really spilling fast.
Oh my.
School's been fine i guess.
Can't believe I got kicked out of class for the 1st time in my life.
Okay, I deserved it because it was not my actual class in the first place and the rightful students of that class do not have seats so it's my duty to give up my seat.
This problem of crashing classes and having to worry that the admin peeps will come in anytime to spot check is really new to me and I'm at the last year of Uni like WHUT.
So many firsts this school year!
Other than that, everything is going well.

Today:
I got really pissed in MA class because,
1. I can't sit with all my friends
2. Noisy ppl sitting in front, beside and behind meeeee urgh
3. The seat is uncomfortable.

I was wishing that the admin peeps would enter half of the time during lesson just like last week because even though the lecture room is big, there's just too many students and that's because of the crashers.
Just like what happened to me, these crashers should experience being kicked out of class at least once. They are making noises, playing games on their phones and didn't even print the lecture notes?!
What's the point of attending the class then?????? URGHHHHHHH

HAHA okay enough of the ranting,

Hope you are doing well!
Thanks for reading my blog :)





Hey guys.
Let's fast forward from the last post.
Now is almost the end of my summer vacation
2 more weeks before school starts...again  
Okay, honestly I'm quite excited because I kinda missed school, missed the TEH I buy every morning.
I just dislike the days I spent at home doing nothing when I'm not working.
Oh and forgot to mention,  I found myself a part time job at Typo!
Can't believe I am finally working...like after being in uni for 2 years.
This is my last year of uni and I'll be working in the office when i graduate.
So, I've decided to work super hard and enjoy the last year(I think) being a student.

Anyway, my year 2 Finals results were GREAT.
I mean not the all As kind but Bs & Cs and NO FAIL OMG
Year 3's gonna be tough because all the modules I'm taking are core modules so I cannot afford to fail any of them.
Furthermore, some of those modules themselves are tough to ace
I'm gonna live the no life life LOL friends, count me out of the fun activities this coming school year. SAD. CRI.
I'm just kidding, don't count me out pls...
I can't live that life...
JIO MEEEEE
(terms and conditions apply.)

Okay, that's all for this post.
Getting excited for the holidays in the later half of the year HEHE
Bye!






Heyyyy,
I am finally done with my Finals yesterday.
FREEDOM!
I went to sing karaoke @ Teoheng right after my paper.
Tmr I'll be flying to Shanghai for 2 weeks to visit my grandparents and relatives as well as for Summer holidays :)
Excited!
Hope everything goes well :)

I'm bringing my camera along so I'll be taking lots of photos as well as videos which I plan to make into a vlog provided I got the time to edit them.
I am also thinking to do a TAO BAO haul but let's see how!

Anyways, just a short update this space.
Have a great SUMMER BREAK ! <3




Back with an update :)

Just came home from Changi Airport after studying and sending my bunch of Jc friends off to Korea.
So jealous because "THAT SHOULD BE ME" going to Korea :(
Finals starting next week while some of my friends have already ended their Finals -.-
Everyone chilling and slacking already and here I am still chionging studies T.T

The month of May is rather packed for me.

1st week of May is just chiong studies.

2nd week is when hell breaks loose, 3 papers for the week.
First up is POA which i retook.
Next day we have MSM which is a module that I'm quite confident about.
1 day break.
Then we have Isorg which is the real HELL because this module is the worst to study for.
All the technical concepts and stuff that I have zero interests in.
Can't remember who tricked me into taking this module.
"It's easy to score" they say.
But since it will help me in the future then okay la just take loh.
I am just aiming to pass,honestly.
I don't need a distinction or an A.
JUST LET ME PASS!

5 days break.
3rd week just has 1 paper but quite an important one which is ME.

Another 5 days break.
4th week, last paper for the year which is IR!!!
FREEDOMMMMM
And then 2 days after, I will be flying off to SHANGHAI :)

I have no idea what I have for June onwards but I will definitely try to do interesting DIY Projects...
Need to get started on my sewing machine HEHE
And also probably song covers :)

Can't wait for after Finals!!!